Thoughts on Fashion

No one else knows myself better than I do. So when I say that I have no affection whatsoever for fashion, believe me, I am lying. Deep inside, I have always admired girls who go out of the house fixed, those who still appear fashionable even in their most casual and rugged outfit, or those who appear effortlessly pretty.

I have always been comfortable in shirt and jeans, flats or flip flops, undone hair, without make up and accessories. There were a number of phases in my college days when I put on light make up but, eventually, laziness would get the better of me and my kikay attempts would again be relegated back to the farthest part of my thoughts.

Sometimes, I buy clothes beyond my comfort zone because I feel that I can pull off an outfit. You know what? I can! However, when my confidence level goes back to its normal low, I would feel ugly in front of the mirror, far from the self  I have envisioned back in the store’s fitting room. The clothes end up getting fitted a lot of times inside my room but rarely make it out of the house.

This is my fashion history. I say history because it keeps on repeating.

The past couple of months, the story started all over again. I bought tops in shades of pink and even fancy buying neon and floral items. I bought accessories more than a couple of times and I actually use them on casual days (but not casual office days). I fell in love with body cons because they hug my roundness perfectly plus I feel comfy wearing them. I even bought a bright-colored bag!

Imagine how broke I become after every indulgence! And imagine how broken my heart will be if I regress to my "normal" state! [haha].

In the middle of writing this, I thought of how I really want to dress up. I figured that there is nothing wrong being in my everyday laid back clothes. But there's definitely something wrong with how I wear them. What I have in mind is something casual, wearable, BUT fashionable. Unlike other girls who exude elegance and beauty in their casuals, mine is too casual. It easily fades in the crowd. Not standout. Lackluster. And it leaves me frustrated.

Sometimes, I want to be like my favorite fashion bloggers, Laureen Uy, Kryz Uy, Cristina Decena, and Camille Co, who can pull off whatever they decide on wearing. Although most of their posts are too edgy for a normal street wear, I think that their styles come in handy depending on the occasion. 

The root of this fashion dilemma is my lack in confidence. Whether you style yourself edgy or casual, whether you buy designer clothes or from thrift shops, what matters at the end of the day is how you wore your clothes. You can't blame me. I live in a world where I get teased (negative) when I wear something "girly". Plus, my size is big for my height! [tears] While I find it unfair that I get teased while others don't, I have to live with it, get used to it, and eventually ignore it.

For now, I am happy that once in a while, I go out wearing clothes that have been sitting in my closet for a long time. I am satisfied that I get to spice up my clothes without the unnecessary awkwardness when I feel like accessorizing or mix-matching (but still not to the office [haha]). I am happy that this has been my longest kikay phase so far. I am happy that I convinced myself that this "phase" will have to go on one step at a time until I gain the confidence to show who I really am, style-wise.